Jazz Emu

Yes, it is I, Jazz Emu: internationally renowned, stone-cold hotshot. I make incredibly sincere and soul-exposingly honest music. Scholars have characterised my mid-temp funk bangers as &quot;rigorously dank&quot; and &quot;perturbingly sluicy&quot;. I'm constantly working on new auditory and visual delights for your delectation. I have seen the love and support of those of you who come back to my Youtube and Spotify, and believe me when I say it means the world to me. It would mean even more if you could support me on this journey to make my music full time employment, rather than a side hustle that ruins the lives of my housemates and loved ones. I know, it's hard to believe that an internationally renowned hunk such as myself would not already be earning six figures. And you'd be right. Last month I was promised a cheque worth £546,600 from a generous man in my email spam box, who tells me he loves my music and all I need to do to receive payout is send a photo of the front and back of my debit card and photos of my face at every angle. Certainly seems like a small price to pay, and I did it post-haste. Unfortunately the money hasn't come through yet, so until then I could really do with your support on here to tide me over, and to cover for the mysterious emptying of my account that happened yesterday. If you could donate so generously to my Patreon, you will be helping me raise funds for: 1) Electrical Saxes (you cannot have too many) 2) Handsome 100% Rich Wool Boutique Lounge Suits 3) The search party for my nephew Bonson who tragically went missing (again!) under suspicious circumstances (information to follow) In return you will get: Early releases, bonus content that you can't access anywhere else, and a warm community of like-minded smooth operators.  And whatever you do, remember: Jazz Emu Loves u xxx

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Congratulations, sweet nestling. You have hatched! The Mother Emu has been gathering twigs and feathers for your comfort, and he will soon be back to vomit digested berries into your mouth. It truly is your lucky day.

Emu Hatchling

The Mother Emu is reluctantly watching you grow into an Emu he can be proud of. Soon you will fly the nest, in the way flightless birds like Emu are accustomed to (by walking). You are so truly special in Emu's eyes and he makes a beak-clicking sound which is meant to express a warm fondness.

Emu Chick

You are a fully grown Emu Adult, and he is full to the brim with pride. He is excited to watch you lay your own eggs, or maybe fight a sheep at some point in defence of your territory. You are truly one and equal with the Emu

Emu Equal

You have died and ascended to Emu heaven. You are a god tier donator. Jazz Emu Loves U more than anyone, and comes to you for your wisdom.

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